Virtual Voldemort
by A.R. Moony
Summary: What would happen if Voldemort got sucked into a computer and he found Harry Potter websites...


**Virtual Voldemort**

**Chapter 1: Hello, I'm…selling…cookies**

Voldemort finds the craziest ways of trying to get Harry Potter. This incident, called by the Ministry the "Muggle talk-box," is probably the most ironic. 

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Samuel Krackton, age thirty-one, with brown-blond hair and black jeans and collared denim shirt, lived alone in number seven, Privet Drive. He worked at Doggson's Doughnut Shop, and his life had been perfectly uneventful. So far... One August twenty-first, a so-called door-to-door cookie salesman rang his doorbell. And he answered it. After looking at all the reports, the Ministry of Magic disclosed this story on what happened-in the Evening Prophet. 

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Samuel Krackton started his day like normal; he got up, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Afterward, he went downstairs to his den and turned on his computer. Today being a Saturday, he wanted to surf the web for doughnut recipes. They were running out of ideas at the Doggson's Doughnut Shop. When the computer started up, he logged onto the Internet. He was just going to go into a fresh search, when the doorbell rang.

__

Perfect timing. He thought as he climbed the stairs and went open the door.

"Who's there?" He called through the door.

"Uh…we're, see, we are…well…-"

-"We're selling…cookies! Would you-would you like to buy some?"

Samuel thought. _Well_, he thought, _what hurt can it do_? _Besides, I need some sugar_. Samuel opened the door. Five men stood smiling at him. He took out some money, and when he looked up again, two of them had grabbed him roughly and were trying to drag him outside. Samuel kicked and punched and flailed wildly. He was strong, and soon broke free of their grip. He flew back into the house and was bounding down the stairs three at a time when he heard a high pitched, icy voice shriek, "Get him!"

Samuel ran downstairs to his den and hid himself in the closet. He heard footsteps. The men entered the room and opened the closet door. He was grabbed under the arms and dragged out. One man closed the den door and stood back, smiling an odd, you're-gonna-get-it smile. They pushed Samuel against the wall opposite his computer and a man walked up to him. He was unlike any other man Samuel had ever seen. He was bone thin and bone white. He was wearing a loose black robe and his nostrils were like that of a snake. His eyes were glowing red. 

"So, Samuel Krackton, you choose to run from me, Lord Voldemort? Well, you can run, but you can not hide. Because Lord Voldemort knows, he knows."

It was clear that this-this man was crazy. But why would he come to his house? And why dress up? It isn't Halloween.

"Samuel," he said, walking around in circles, "do you know Harry Potter? The boy that live-"he grimaced suddenly, -"the boy that lives down the street?"

"You mean that skinny kid who never brushes his hair? With the baggy clothes?" Samuel asked.

"Yes," Voldemort stopped pacing and stared at Samuel. "Well, see, I'm here to ask you a little favor. You will go to Harry Potter's house and kill him for me.

"What!" Samuel exclaimed, "that's murder! No, you can't make me. Besides, I'll call the police! And you'll have to go to prison."

"No prison can hold me," Voldemort said calmly, "and you will do as I say, else I shall have to kill you myself. Do you think you are going to live through this? No, I should think not. You might tell everyone, memory charms or not. So I'd be very careful of what you say and do, Muggle."

"Muggle?"  
"Yes," he said lazily, "Muggle. Muggle. You, are a Muggle. And I-I am a wizard."

"Wizard indeed." Samuel muttered under his breath.

"Yes, indeed." Voldemort pulled out his wand. "Crucio," he said lazily, watching him twitch, trying to howl in pain but no sound came out.

When he stopped moving, Voldemort said, it hurts, doesn't it. Want me to do it again, it's fun-for us." The men laughed. Voldemort was just going to hit him with the imperious curse when the computer attracted his attention. He walked over to it, and the image on the screen was a broomstick, two bludgers, a quaffle, and a snitch. Suddenly, people came out onto the screen: Harry Potter, Fred and George Weasley, Ron, and Hermione.

"Potter!" Voldemort exclaimed and ran over to the screen so that his nose was barely an inch from the glass. Words suddenly flashed across the screen-HARRY POTTER'S HOGWARTS! TAKE CLASSES, TALK TO OTHER MEMBERS, GO TO DIAGON ALLEY, DEFEAT VOLDEMORT-

"WHAT?" He exclaimed, jumping back from the screen. I'll get him! I'll get him! Defeat me? If he only could!" He was red with anger and looked murderous. 

Samuel, watching from the wall, thought he knew a way that he could get this guy out of here.

"Sir, Mr.-Mr. Lord Voldemort Sir." He called. Voldemort turned around. "If you get into the disk drive, that little thing there-with the circle hole in it-the you can get Harry Potter. I promise."

Voldemort walked over to the disk drive. He suddenly made himself really small and climbed onto the disk drive. "Now what?" The minuscule voice said.

"I close it, and you can go in there and get Harry Potter." Samuel walked over and closed the disk drive. There was a whooshing sound and a second later, Voldemort appeared on the screen. 

"Potter! I'm coming to get you! Ready or not, here I come!" He disappeared. 


End file.
